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.It was a book, Conquest by S.J.Frost.He gasped,  How did you know? I ve been wanting to readthis forever but never made the time. He turned the paperback over inhis hands and read the blurb on the back.Matt reached over and touched his leg. Well, it seems we refriends on Goodreads.Lori told me, and I couldn t believe it. What? No way! Oh yeah.Eighty-seven books in common, and we practicallyrate them the same.It s freaky.I noticed you had this on your to-be-read list.A friend recommended it, and I read it last year.It s reallygood.I thought you d be surprised.He put the book on his lap. I am! He leaned closer and kissedMatt s cheek. You are the best boyfriend ever! After he said it, he fellsilent.Matt slid his arm over Darian s shoulders and pulled him to hisside. I know, he said solemnly.He wasn t trying to be arrogant, andhe was sure Darian would get his meaning.He knew letting go of Jamiewas the most difficult thing Darian ever had to do.Dr.Loundas toldDarian it was natural to feel guilty for moving on.She speculated that, under normal circumstances, the two of themmight have felt the chemistry between them, dated a few times, andknown almost right away they were destined to be together.But whenthat chemistry mixed with bad timing on top of a painful death, Dr.Loundas admitted even she was surprised to see their bond had lastedthis long, let alone shown promise of becoming something beautiful.Matt held Darian all the way back to Dan s house.Matt parked. You ready?Darian nodded.316 | WADE KELLYMatt undid the seatbelt and turned to face Darian.He continuedtalking as he took his hand and stroked his fingers. I love you.Verymuch.Whatever you got going on, we ll get through it together.Okay?I know I ve said that for months, and it s hard for you to believe, but Iwill stand by my words.When Darian nodded, he continued. I ll wager I have just asmany fears as you.A hell of a lot of what Dr.Loundas said in thatplace applies to me.I don t act out on it the same, but the fear is stillthere. Matt kissed him softly for a few seconds.Matt was trying hardto be supportive, but kissing always accompanied his words of wisdombecause it broke the tension and gave him time to think about what tosay next.Like if he couldn t think of the next sentence fast enough, hefilled the void with his lips.It was not a bad tactic at all Darian wassurely not complaining.Matt rubbed his nose over Darian s andcontinued commenting on Dr.Loundas s observations. I won tpretend to understand the depth of your pain or experiences, and Iwon t try to tell you mine are worse or better; what I do want to say isthat I m here for you.I ll listen to anything.No judgment. Matt kissedhim soundly one last time.Darian nodded again. Okay.The trust in Darian s eyes melted Matt s heart.Matt added, Therapist s orders.If there s a problem, we talk about it.Darian sighed and teased,  You re seriously going to make meregret sharing all those things in front of you.Matt snickered. No.I m just not letting you get away again.Youhad your space.Now I need closeness.Looking into Matt s eyes, Darian quietly admitted,  I thoughtburying him would be the hardest thing I ve ever done.It s not.Livingevery moment afterward is the hardest.Everything I do, I feel guilty.Matt cupped his jaw. Don t, he insisted. No guilt.You can thold onto it forever.Jamie s gone.You can t feel guilty for living. Logically, I know that.And it s not just that, it s everything.Ifeel guilty for loving you.I feel guilty for not loving him enough.I feelguilty that I compare everything we do together with what Jamie and Idid.I feel guilty that I think you re a better lover.I feel guilty  Stop. Matt smoothed Darian s hair away from his face, strokedhis forehead, and leaned in to kiss him. It s normal to go through this.THE COST OF LOVING | 317It is.Trust me.I compare everyone I ve ever been with to you, and theydon t measure up.I know I haven t been in a relationship before, butthat was because I didn t see the point.No one made me feel like youdo.With you, I m like a hand grenade, and one little touch on my pinwill set off an explosion! And that is not meant as a sexual metaphor.Darian giggled. Besides, if there s one thing I learned these many weeks, it s thatwe can be together and not have sex.We already know we re amazingin bed.But I like the other parts, too, like talking. I thought jocks merely grunted, Darian jibed.Matt chuckled. Not this jock! I talk& sometimes. Dariansmiled and Matt continued,  I go around all day feeling like everythinginside of me is on the edge of some ultimate, unrestrained, orgasmicrapture, and all it would take is one touch of your hand, or one whiff ofyour hair, and I d explode.You re all I think about.And it s not just thesex; I love every bit of you.I love your eyes, your hands, the way youlook at me, the sound of your voice, and the sway in your step.I likehow you draw, and you bite your lips when you concentrate.So yeah, Icompare you to everyone I meet and everyone I ever knew before, andI still come up with the same answer: you re the one.The only one Iever want.Darian s face flushed.He had an expression that normally led tobuckets of tears.Matt shook his head, sensing Darian s impending flood. Dare,don t do it.Don t feel guilty.He didn t cry, not yet, but his voice cracked and his hands shook. Every time I think I can go another minute without feeling the guilt, itslams into me again.I can t help it.You say things like that, and mymind compares the two of you.I think,  Jamie never said things likethat [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]