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.How do you think that will work in a fuckingrelationship? I really wish you would calm down and stop swearing like a sailor-- He started to speak,but I was on a roll and I ploughed ahead. Do you suffocate everything that comes your way? You can t put me in a box, Jason, likeyou always do in your super organized, super clean world, so things won t get messy.I m sorryJason, that s just not me.Maybe I want to be messy, maybe sometimes I am unorganized.Justlet me be myself. Niki, Niki.Life is not always about doing what you want.Grownups must takeresponsibility for their actions.You can t do whatever you please.Oh great, now he was placating me.I rolled my eyes and sat back in my chair. Niki, I don t know what s gotten into you lately.And on another issue, what were youthinking moving in with Kat? She s the most irresponsible person.You know what, you shouldmove in with me.I have more to offer you than a cheap apartment with a crazy out of controlboy toy.I have a good job and.I pushed my plate away. I m done here.I can t eat this. I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I see it now, Jason.You re always going to argue, get things go the way you plan.You are a lawyer and you willargue until you die.I ll never win.You will always put yourself first.Well, damn it, I refuse to livethat way. Niki, what do you mean? Jason, I used to think we could make it as a couple, but now I know that we re not meantfor each other. I looked up to the ceiling, as if the answer had been hanging over me all along. I refused to see it before, but it's so clear.You are my dad, exactly like my dad, and the lastthing in the world I want, is to marry my dad. Hold on.Now you re just being silly.I don t know why you would compare me to yourfather.I m nothing like him. He finished his meal and leaned in again. You ve had a long weekand so have I.You re tired and I have an early meeting.Let me drive you home.Once you vecalmed down, I m sure you will think differently in the morning.Sleep on it and we will talk aboutyou moving in with me tomorrow.Oh my God.This guy was a brick wall.I folded my arms across my chest. There s nothing to talk about.I m done with this.There s a girl for you who is just yourtype, but I m not that girl.I want the opposite of you.I want to experience life, and live it.I don tcare about status, or money.I care about joy, passion, dreams and fulfillment. I flung myhands up in the air.Jason stared at me blankly.For once he was speechless. We are done.Let s just move past this.Jason paid the bill and we left the restaurant in silence.I politely thanked him for openingmy car door, but the ride home was like ice water.As we pulled up in front of the apartment, Icouldn t get out of the car fast enough.He parked and made a motion as if he would walk meto the door, but I was already out the car.I didn't want him to think there would be thepossibility that he was invited in. Stop Jason, I said. Don t bother.I don t want you to come in. Niki, please. His eyes begged.He actually looked sad, as if his perfectly controlledexterior was on the verge of shattering.I almost felt a ping of sympathy in my heart, but ifallowed it to surface, it would just lead to the unraveling of my confidence.I was tired of being the victim, feeling like a martyr, rather than taking responsibility for mypart of all this.Being the victim felt safer because that position, that role in the relationship, hellin my whole life, had made me feel small and the smaller I felt, the less likely I was to be hurtagain.That s why I had a very dull relationship with Jason.That was me until a week ago, theday when Jesse walked into my life, oozing of danger and excitement, and it hit me like a ton ofbricks.I could only be the victim for so long before doing something about it.I opened the door to the building and didn t look back.In my imagination, Jason stood bythe car with a tear rolling down his cheek and any minute would run after me yelling,  Comeback, Niki.Please, I love you. He didn t though [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]