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.Someone is crying.She leads me to aroom with a curtain drawn around the bed.I swallow hard and for a millisecond I consider runningaway, but instead I take a deep breath and walk right in and around the curtain.And there is my man, in a hospital gown, his hair a little bloody, his face and arms scraped, and abig, fat smile on his arrogant face. Hey, M, he says.I immediately burst into tears.I sit in the chair next to his bed and sink my head and arms onto hislap, crying big, gulping sobs. Shh&  He s rubbing my head now, my shoulders and back. Hey, it s okay.I m okay, baby. You could have died! I cry into his lap. I am fine. He grips my shoulders and makes me sit up to look at him. Look at me.Meredith.I can t open my eyes.I feel so foolish.I know he thinks I m overreacting.Everyone does, but theyhaven t been in my shoes.They don t understand. Meredith.Breathe.Breathe with me, baby. He scoots down in the bed and leans his forehead onmine. Come on.You re having a panic attack.Breathe deep and slow, Meredith.He calms me.My heart slowly returns to normal and my tears stop until I look up into his gorgeousblue eyes and I lose it again. Baby, I m okay. I know.But I didn t know before, and it reminded me of Dad and Tiff, and oh my God, Mark, Ican t do that ever again. Stop. His voice is brisk now. Stop it before I call the nurse in here for you. Are you going to be okay? I whisper. Yes.I m scraped up, and I have a knot on my head, but I m fine.They wanted to do a CAT scan tomake sure I don t have internal injuries. Do you? My heart stops again. No.I m fine.I ll be sore as hell tomorrow, but I ll walk out of here as soon as Nurse Ratchetbrings me my fucking papers and more pain meds. Why didn t you call me?He reaches for a rolling table at this bedside and holds up his phone.The screen is shattered.I close my eyes in relief and I m suddenly being lifted into Mark s lap. What are you doing? Calming you the fuck down. He cradles me against him and rocks us back and forth.I wrap myarms around his neck and bury my face in my place in his neck, holding on tightly.God, I love him.He s everything to me.I can t lose him the way my mom lost Dad.I don t think I d survive it.And I will eventually lose him.Because I lose everyone I love.As we sit here silently, I cling to him as I realize what I have to do.I have to give him up.I cup his face gently in my hands and kiss him softly.My lips linger on his for a moment as Ibreathe him in and my hands trace the strong muscles in his arms.Finally, I pull away and climb off his lap. I love you more than I can ever tell you, Mark.But, I can t bear the thought of losing you the way Ilost my family. I swallow hard as he frowns in confusion. I just can t do this. Can t do what, exactly? I can t be with you. You are with me, Meredith.I shake my head and rub my forehead with my fingertips.Jesus, how do I find the words for this? I don t think I can be in a relationship with you. The last few words are said on a sob.His jawdrops just as the nurse bustles in. Okay, Mr.Williams& I leave as she s giving him his instructions and rush out of the ER, through the waiting room andoutside.Fuck me, I don t have my car. Meredith!Natalie runs out after me, catching up to me when I get to the parking lot and realize I don t have aride home.He s going to come marching out here any second. I need to leave, Natalie. Is he okay? Yes, he s just scraped up.He ll be fine. This time.But what about the next time? Oh, good. She breathes a sigh of relief and then sobers when she sees the look on my face. Where are you going, Mer? I m leaving.I just broke it off with Mark. Wow, talk about kicking a man when he s down. Fuck you, Natalie.You don t know me or what I ve been through. It s not her fault, but I can tstop myself from going after her verbally, and I hate myself even more for it [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]