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.”“There’s more.”“Oh?”Now that Bianca had her full attention again, she told her about the night they’d gone out and theride home with Gio—what Evelyn had said to him.“Oh, what a slut! And pshaw! The men’srestroom? That is so nineties!”“That’s not the point, Toni.” Bianca wasn’t feeling humorous anymore; the incredible uneasewas back and she was beginning to feel choked up.She needed someone to understand and tell hershe wasn’t crazy for feeling so incredibly guilty and selfish.“The point is there is this… I don’t knowhow to describe it.It’s like there’s something bigger than the both of us when we’re alone.I’m leftcompletely breathless sometimes—I’m utterly mesmerized by him and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it— felt it in him.We both know it’s wrong but it’s beyond any comprehension.If we can’t evenunderstand it, how can we control it? And I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit.A huge cop-out.”Her voice broke and she stopped unable to go on.“Bianca,” Toni’s voice was full of remorse.“Sweetie, don’t cry.I didn’t know this wasbothering you that much.”Bianca sucked it up and took another deep breath feeling like a blubbering idiot.“It’s just that Ikeep having these dreams, Toni.In the last one I got out of bed with Felix, tip-toed over to Gio’sroom, took off my clothes and climbed in his bed.And the thing is it’s always so real yet it’s so easyfor me to do it.I know it’s only a dream but even in dreams I usually think the way I would in reallife.And in the dreams I want him so desperately.” She breathed in, thankful that she was completelyin control of her emotions now and continued.“I can barely look at him for fear that he’ll know.He’llsee it in my eyes.And the worst part is, I talk in my sleep.”“Oh, shit.You do?”“Well, I used to.I haven’t slept in the same room with my grandma in years but years ago shetold me I did.What if I do one of these nights and I say his name? Say the things I do to Gio in mydreams—that I can’t stop thinking about him—that he’s on my mind constantly now even when Felixis making love to me.It’s so wrong!”Bianca heard Toni breathe in deep and then hum.It was something she did when she wasbrainstorming or trying to figure something out.Bianca could almost picture her walking around herlittle salon.So, she waited patiently hopeful that Toni would have some words of wisdom for her.“I’m gonna be honest with you, okay? Don’t be mad but I need you to really think about thisbefore you answer, okay?”“Okay.” Bianca had an idea what her question might be.“Are you really in love with Felix?” That wasn’t it.“Yes! Of course I am.” Bianca snapped.“No.I asked you to really think about it, girl.” Toni snapped back.“Now think, because I’m justbeing honest here, so again, don’t get mad.When you told me about how you told him you loved him,you said it just like that.You said, ‘He said he loved me and I told him I loved him too.’ Then you gotall squealy and I had no choice but to do what any good friend is expected to do and squeal with you.But I did think it was weird you never actually said you loved him or that you were in love.You saidyou told him you loved him.It’s different.”“Well, I am in love with him.” Bianca tried not to take offense or sound defensive but it didbother her that Toni would think she could be so immature she’d be more excited about the idea ofbeing loved and saying it for the first time than actually being in love.“Really?” Bianca could tell by Toni’s tone she really wasn’t buying it.“And when did youknow you were in love? Do you remember the moment you knew? That’s usually a pretty big momentyou remember forever.”Bianca didn’t.All she remembered was being stunned when she heard Felix say it to her for thefirst time.But she was hurt.How could Toni be thinking this all this time and not mention it?“I do,” she lied, hoping she sounded convincing and not as angry as she suddenly felt.“Bianca, don’t be mad—”“I’m not.” She shoved the key into the ignition pulling her seatbelt on.She was mad.God, was she ever.Just not at Toni.She was mad at herself.How stupid was shereally? Was it possible she’d convinced herself she was in love with Felix just because she got allcaught up in the way it felt to be in love—liked hearing him say it back? And what, if anything, didher not actually being in love with him have to do with her feeling what she did when she was aroundGio? She did at least have feelings for Felix.She cared about him and her feelings of jealousy whenhearing about him with those other women were genuine.There was no way she was faking those.Then she remembered what she’d felt when she saw Gio kissing Evelyn.She’d just texted Felixback agreeing to meet him back at the cabin but glancing up to see Gio and Evelyn kissing had beenenough to make her spring out of her seat and bolt for the door.Bianca squeezed the steering wheelfeeling her face flush, utterly mortified.She was ridiculous [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]