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.Shaw didn t answer.Lee s quiet gratitude turned his stomach.Lee surprised him by turning around to face him. Thank you.Shaw opened his mouth to say something he didn t know what and suddenlyLee s warm lips were pressing against his.Shaw jolted with surprise.He put his handsagainst Lee s shoulders, mindful of the welts, and pushed him away gently. Don t do that, he said.Surprise made his tone harsher than he intended.Lee hunched his shoulders. I m sorry.Shaw shook his head. Christ.Just don t, all right? I m sorry, Lee whispered miserably. I thought you wanted it. I don t, Shaw told him brusquely.Jesus, in any other situation he d be beggingLee to get closer, but this was beyond wrong.This was Lee responding to theunexpected kindness of a monster, and Shaw didn t want that.He didn t want to bethat.Not for anyone. You re the only one who looks me in the eye, Lee said.He turned away again.His breath hitched.Shaw sighed and ran his fingers down Lee s spine. Don t be upset.Lee hunkered down farther. Sorry. And don t fucking apologize, Shaw murmured. It is what it is, Lee. I know, Lee whispered.They watched the black ocean together.Chapter NineAnother night and he was on his knees again.Another night in the room he hated.He couldn t hear the ocean from here. And how is Shaw treating you, boy?Lee winced as Vornis gripped his jaw tightly and twisted his head to face him. Please, he murmured. Oh, please.Vornis gave an exasperated sigh.Lee lowered his eyes quickly, his heart racing.He d miscalculated.It was too earlyfor begging.He wondered how many more broken fingers that mistake would earnhim.He tasted bile, and his stomach clenched.Every nerve in his body screamed at himto fight or to run, but experience was a better teacher than adrenaline.He struggled notto move. I asked how Shaw is treating you, boy, Vornis said.His eyes were dark, almostblack.Like a shark s. Tell me what happens when he takes you into the shower.Lee tried to swallow. I give him blowjobs, sir. His voice cracked.Vornis raised his eyebrows and released Lee s jaw. How very adolescent.Is thatall?Every instinct in Lee warned him to lie.He owed it to Shaw to lie, but it wasn t allabout gratitude.It was about self-preservation as well.Because whatever game Shawwas playing, he d made Lee play along, and Vornis would punish him for that.Shaw trusts you.Don t fuck it up. He, um, he pulls my head back under the water, and I can t breathe. Lee fixedhis eyes on the floor, hoping that was enough.He prayed he hadn t given Vornis anynew ideas.A shudder ran through him. Ha! Vornis sounded pleased. I told you Shaw has potential.Lee closed his eyes briefly.Hanson laughed from somewhere behind him.Lee hated sessions like these.He preferred it when he was drugged.He d hopedthey d drug him tonight the cabinet where the syringes were kept was open, but so farneither of the men had made a move toward it.He always panicked when he was lucid,but sometimes that was just what Vornis wanted.Sometimes he wanted the drug-fucked Lee, dazed and compliant, but sometimeshe wanted to see real fear.When he was drugged, Lee whimpered from the pain butdidn t understand its cause.When he was lucid, he screamed and begged when he sawit coming, his eyes rolling in his head and every muscle straining, and that made Vornislaugh.He d been drugged last night and the night before.That meant tonight theywanted his every reaction.Oh God.He needed something.He couldn t do this.Not again. Please, he gasped, his fear breaking him like it always did in this room.Heshuffled forward on his knees, his cuffed hands making it difficult.He bent towardVornis like a supplicant. Please.Vornis reached down and stroked Lee s hair with his blunt fingers.Lee responded to the gentle touch gratefully.He pushed his face against Vornis strouser leg.Like a fucking dog.He hated himself, but he was too desperate not to beg.Vornis s voice was soft and beguiling. That s a good boy.Show me how wellbehaved you are.Lee shivered.He hated this.He hated to see himself as Vornis must have: on his knees, begging,nuzzling the man s trouser leg.He wished he could say he didn t recognize himself, butwho was he kidding? Every time he entered this room, they turned him into a fuckingslave.Yes, sir.No, sir.Anything you want, sir.He d played games like this once.Just games.Cuffs and blindfolds andpretending to be master or slave without laughing too hard.Tim, his boyfriend fromcollege, had been more into it than him.He d ended up getting into leather anddiscipline and the whole deal.It had been a little too weird for Lee.Playing was fine,but he could never do it with a straight face.He couldn t beg a man and make it soundreal.He couldn t have imagined it would be one day. Please, sir, please don t hurt me!It turned out the only thing holding him back had been his consent.Take thataway and he was a fucking natural.On his knees, bending toward Vornis and beggingwith every fiber of his being for mercy he knew he wouldn t get.And later, of course,he d beg for pain as well.Just because Vornis wanted to hear him do it and had theability to make it happen.He choked back a sob.Oh God, oh God.He skated close to the edge of mindless panic.No.Fishing for gar and green sunfish at Round Lake.Counting the cracks in the sidewalk on the way home from school.The Vikings pennant on his bedroom wall.Hold on to that.Hold on to what you were.What you are.You re not nothing.And whenthis is done, Shaw will look after you.Shaw looked him in the eye, and Lee had never seen anything like disgust there,and that was something else to hold on to.Vornis could try to make him forget the manhe d been, but Shaw wouldn t let that happen.Hope was so fragile and easily crushed, but Lee took as much as he could.He hadtried to show Shaw what that hope meant to him, using the only currency he had left,but Shaw always rebuffed him.He wanted Shaw.He wanted to remember what it waslike to have a choice, but that was one choice Shaw wouldn t let him make.Lee wishedhe would, because Shaw would look him in the eye if they fucked, and it wouldn t hurt.Lee wanted that.He needed it.It wasn t just about lust.Shit, nothing much was thesedays, but he couldn t deny the spark he felt when Shaw touched him.It was aboutremembering who he had been and maybe reclaiming just a fraction of it.Just enoughto hold on to at times like these, because he was so afraid these were the only times hehad left.Lee drew a shaking breath.No.Shaw won t let you die here. Good boy, Vornis said in that soothing tone Lee didn t want to trust.He strokedhis head.Lee stared at the floor and at Vornis s shoes.God, he hated this room.He hated itbecause it always broke him, and he hated it so much that he started to look for hissalvation anywhere, even in Vornis.Please, sir, please. We ought to bring Shaw here and let him play, Vornis said.Lee shuddered.No, not that.Hanson laughed again.Lee had seen the security feeds from the bungalow.And it looked so real [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]